Archive | April, 2014

Confessions of a Cynical Romantic

14 Apr

All of these relationship blogs have me cynical about my own cynicism.  Perhaps I am posting this in an effort to measure any romantic notions before they slip away.  Just like when I take a nostalgic look back at my naive yet noble notions on love scribbled in my journals in shoe boxes with mix tapes, poems and sonnets.  Maybe I will reveal just how out of touch I am with modern romance, but how much is really at stake?  Many people believe what they read on the internet and if someone doesn’t stand up and say NO!  I disagree then romance will be endangered due to apathy and passive acceptance, much like the noble parts of chivalry.

“The person that cares less has all the power”.  I remember the first time I heard this and thought it was silly and here it is as the top of 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating…  How can this do anything but kill romance before it even starts?  Maybe I’m hopeless but I believe “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is to love and to be loved in return”.  Sure, I still get nervous and am vulnerable when I share my feelings with someone, but I refuse to subscribe to the idea that is giving up power.  Why would it not stand that the one that takes the bigger risk receives the larger reward?  There should not be a power struggle when dating, but if power is your thing just know the more you love the more you will get hurt.  If you let someone else hurt you to the point that you are too scared to love, then you are giving your power to them.  The real power is in loving someone well.  If you haven’t been in love, stop playing silly mind games.  Yes, you will more than likely get hurt, but you will experience something far more magical than your safe little comfort zone.

Image There has also been a paradigm shift in the dating process thanks to social media, smart phones, text messages and before society starts to subscribe to the negatives, let us celebrate some positives.

All of the transparency, tracking and reporting makes cheating much more challenging and gives you a pretty good idea of where you stand if you are playing the field.  My idea of a healthy relationship has always been two people that choose to be together even in a sea of temptation, with all of their old flames and new crushes a click away.  No more of that dreaded scene in “When Harry Met Sally” where you run into your ex because now you can see exactly what their doing and if it freaks you out you can always delete, hide or put them on a special list.  Are they over them?  Actions speak louder than words.

Sure, if you make a commitment to someone you should honor and respect that commitment, but I never want someone to be with me when they would rather be with someone else simply because they made a promise.  If I truly care about them I want them to be the happiest they can be.  Allow me to say I have always wanted a significant other to choose me every day and vice versa.  If someone ever hit on either of us I would never want them to say “Sorry but I am seeing someone”.  For many guys that translates to “I would totally date you but I totally have to shake this guy”.   I might say “I’m flattered, that is what my [significant other] finds valuable in our relationship.”  Maybe I would make it sound a little less like Star Trek’s Lt. Commander Data, but it would be along those lines.

I also believe in a practice of using loving speech and instead of saying a monotonous “I love you”, I only say when emotionally moved to do so and ask “How can I love you better” because when you love somebody well for some time things might get taken for granted.  These paradigm shifts allow you to see if there are other suitors sniffing around and maybe see some areas that you can improve your relationship.  If one of your love languages is “Gifts” Pintrest, eBay and Facebook just made thoughtful gift giving much easier.

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One aspect people say is it is easier to flirt, cheat or be tempted with things like social media.  I say the contrary is true.  We have the tools for a very healthy, transparent relationship like never before.  In a healthy relationship where both parties are confident and communicative about their desire for one another that often makes them even more attractive to others.  Have you ever noticed when you really start to like someone and they start to like you back that suddenly every ex, fling or potential interest comes out of nowhere and wants some of your time?  Just think of all that attention lavished on your partner as validation that you have excellent taste, and it helps you stay on your game so you don’t get lazy or taking things for granted either.  Same can also be true in reverse.

Shakespeare says “The course of true love never did run smooth” and I imagine there always has been and always will be challenges.  Would you prefer a sincere “thinking of you” text from his or her cell or one of those missed messages from Friar Lawrence’s cell?  Isn’t it great that when you are so moved you can just send the object of your affection this epic scene Moulin Rouge?

No matter what era you are in, or feel like you should be in, there is never a better time to fall in love.

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