Tag Archives: #Mardigras

Chapter 4 – A New Hopeful Moon

8 Feb

Darkness fell across the land as a cloaked discombobulated figure skulked through night without as sound.  Wise men such as Wylie H Dallas say that if you are not present in the moment you cannot see the figure.  Other cynics such as Mack Herbert say it’s just imagination and Shannon Lee Dyson argued it is a stress monster and everyone needs to chill out.  Little did they know they could all be right.  “So SO RIGHT!” echoed Amber Womack Skipper  Little did they know they could all be wrong.  “So so wrong” worried Steven Jeffers.

AND when I say “So So Wrong” I mean to emphatically stress Soo Soo wrong, much like those that still know which “2 “to use in a sentence might say “too too solid flesh would melt, thaw and resolve itself into a dew” and not be apathetically confused with “so so” as in not one extreme or another.

Those with a Class C Creative License such as Brandi AndradeAlana Macías de Cortes and Larry D. LeMaster know what I am talking about as they also have a current one and support breaking the fourth wall (or Drew Wall as he likes to call it) in writing.  So lets continue.

The figure glided by a distracted Curtis Raymond Shideler completely undetected and right in the path of Jennifer Roe without skipping a step and cut in line in front of Shannon Knipp without missing a beat.  The figure slipped between Raven Jacobs and Whitney Kelley who were discussing conservative politics while the businessmen slowly get stoned.

Finally, the keen Patrick McAlister noticed the mysterious figure and got the attention of Rob Hood by tapping him on the shoulder and nodding in the direction of the mysterious figure.

“What in the world?” Whispered Andrew Redd
“Could it be the spirit of the missing Doctor?”
Asked Mark Fickert
“Perhaps it’s the ghost of Spot Acus Yasso Yang” Pondered Trae Morgan
“I think we should pursue it, just to see what’s going on.”
Stated Craig Norris

James Beasley hopped in his hearse (All Dukes of Hazzard Style) as Katy Polito, Helen Woodrum, Belinda BoydMonica Moody and Nicole Holt piled in.  They crept along behind Anja Holweg power walking with her German efficiency and long legs.

 William Shane Thompson followed ringing a bell, and like some sort of Pavlovian response people started to form a parade. Andrea Reich Fender emerged with her fashionable entourage from an upscale art gallery and fell in line with Dora Chu and the fashion police.  Candice Ordered Steps Johnson and Diana Tucker followed too.

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Before long the cloaked figure was leading a parade of followers through the Haunted French Quarter.  Alexis Jo and Maria Hildreth Zsohar danced behind a float featuring Knizza LiveChris BarteeJim Cady,Dean Lindsay, Peter ElkinThomas Jacob LovelaceGleb Tarro all throwing beads to those gathering in the streets.  Even Gloria Smith who was working security got distracted from her conversation with Monique Childers about training and both were caught up in the spell.

Kevin Hunt juggled fire around Lorca Simons brilliant puppet, mask and mime work.  She was leading a troupe featuring the sexy and sassy vixens of Vixens Vaudeville and League of Lovely Ladies Bettie PinkVivienne VermuthShanna LeeAmber Williams, Naima Lett, Brooke Hamblet and Amber Garton.

Matt BarronStephanie Ward-Pierre and Christi Dalton Whitworth were dancing the dance in the streets and scooped up by the parade.

There were pirates and ninjas fight dancing and dance fighting depending on your perspective.  Sarah Saathoff was doing flips and Metsy showing off with her forward rolls.  Kathy Robinson-HaysElizabeth Dewhirst and Adrian Santiago had a tumbling act that would make the most experience acrobat envious.  Stephen KirkhamLindsay McEllen James and Chad Kelly Dotson were making music as Citlalli Smith played her cello on a nearby float while Rich Frohlich made sure they sounded amazing.

This parade now filled the streets and swelled into the walkways and climbed the walls.  Linda Jackson rode on the shoulders of James Warila.  The lovely Joyau Pénard was nominated the princess of the parade and her court displayed the most breathtaking international fashion the world as ever seen displayed by Angel AndersonAdriana I. Romero and Tamara Voss.

The mysterious figure led them all to the largest riverboat they have ever seen.  There was no hesitation whatsoever from the crowd.  Lyzz Kirk danced wildly down the boarding plank with no rails or guards.  The plank bowed and bounced like a guitar string as Daniel Sandoval, Delfina Bedarte, and Noel Lucky Brucker plucked aboard.  Breonny Lee and Donatelle Mascari noticed the ripples of the water matching the beat, or rather the pulse of the massive combined energy of party, yet the cloaked figure had yet to make a sound.

Silently slipping up stairs and ladders to the higher decks the figure slipped past Clifton Hall who was guarding the door to the wheel house.

Kenneth Fulenwider had the wheel and halted the figure before you could go any further.

“You do not have permission to come aboard!” he declared rather bravely.

The figure paused, untied the rope belt that made him resemble a Frangelico bottle and removed its hood.  The cloak fell to the ground to reveal Steven Hacker II on the shoulders of Frankie Garcia III!

“SURPRISE!” busted Hacker as he jumped down to fire up the engines.  “We’ll be takin this boat” he then said in an unsuccessful attempt to sound like a pirate.

Rick Spivey and Zachary Stefaniak charged them but Frankie took them out so effortlessly next thing you knew they were asleep on the floor, and not hurt or injured in any way.  Steve gave the signal and his masquerading troops engaged the next phase of the over elaborate plan usually led by mysterious figures in cloaks.

“Just like Luke Skywalker in Return of the Jedi!” Referenced Stephanie Butterfield

Jennifer Culp and Nancy Soto untied the boat from the dock and Heather Dinning Perry retracted the plank.  Cheryl Reedy cranked the music and Lori Garcia dimmed the lights.  Kenne Earl and Kathleen Terbeek began to sing captivating the guests and crew as the boat left the dock on the still water that reflected the wide smile of the moon of the almost new moon.

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Robin Clayton for one was thrilled at the hope for a new adventure as was Tiffany Bryan who is always up for an unexpected journey.  Jackie Kobe started a new “Ships Blog, Stardate Now point Now Two!

“We got company!” Bobby Friske noticed as they headed out to International Water.
Looks like the U.S. Armed Forces!” commented Megan Myers

Lindsay Martin Walser with the Air Force, Molly Mitchell with the Navy (Call Sign: GOOSE!) and U.S. Marine Allie Shane were all awaiting orders to engage, but none came as the moon went out into total darkness.

“A New Moon! But not in a Twillight Novel kinda way” joked Comedian Mo Zan
“Thank Goodness!” chimed Diana Wickman

From the shadows a beautiful olive skinned woman with green eyes removed her masquerade mask.  She beckoned for those that saw her to follow her.

“Don’t do it!  What if she be a spirit to tempt you to the water!?” Worried Pamela Ward
“Lets both follow and we will stick together.” Explained Mardi Allen

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They followed the woman to the bowels of the ship where they found 2 sleeping men holding a letter addressed to a King.  Those two men were David Jeremiah and  Christopher Dontrell Piper.

 

 

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An EPIC Mardi Gras Trip from 20+ years ago

5 Mar

Long long ago, before blogs and social media, I used to write tales of my travels in my journal.  This epic tale was written in pencil in my journal….

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An EPIC Mardi Gras Trip from 20+ years ago

It’s almost time to leave
and I am ready to go.
Jamie and I are going to eat
As Tonya and Crystal wait for us to show

Tonya is now part of the crew
And we’re all ready to fly
Now all we have to do
Is pick up and say BYE….
to DALLAS!!!

Now the roads are dark
and we’re on our way
We’re talking about the Faire
and everything is okay

I sing some songs by Harry
As we drive through Cork and Bottle
The dark roads are scarey
So lets lay back and increase throttle

Alexandria is next on the map
Without a gas station for miles
I give the fuel gauge a tap
And away go our smiles
BUT WAIT, hope is in sight
There is a Texaco sign
F*CK, It’s CLOSED for the NIGHT!
So on a King Cake we dine.

Cars stop, then go on their way
I develop a PLAN
And then call Triple A
Now we’re on the road again.  

Hours later my tired eyes
Look down the infinite bridge
To see a happy sunrise

Driving in my sleep
In desperate need for a Bed
We stop at a rest area
DAMMIT, My CARE IS DEAD!

After a jump we continue 
Finally we’re in Baton Rouge
At last we’re in the hotel
And I begin to snooze.

Once again the car won’t start
So we go downtown to Western Auto
Of all the town this is the worst part
So we fix the car and go
back to the hotel, then on to Mardi Gras
With the T-tops off we sit still
In the biggest traffic jam I ever saw.

We find a place to park the car
And roam into the French Quarter
Every place seems to have a bar
And all the actions seems a blur

Pushing, Shoving, Making our way through
Holding hands, getting beads, watching parades,
Drinking, eating, drinking, so much to do
Taking pictures, finding restrooms as the day fades
Jenny and Greg are selling hats
And Jamie finally finds her drum
I eat oysters, which are aphrodisiacs

Drink some hurricanes and have some fun
We miss Jenny and stroll down Bourbon Street
Trying to hold hands of three women 
Who all these horny guys would like to… meet

I’ve perfected a “Go to hell” look to each of them
Oh Look, some boobs and a chain of bras
And there’s some legs swinging out a window
The wildest crowd has to be Mardi Gras’

Feeling kinda funny, it’s time to go. 
Covered with beads we find the car
Lock the doors and we’re on our way
Get some gas cause the drive is far
Can I have directions to the highway
I’m so tired and exhausted I feel high
I hear a sound as I increase speed
And OFF pops the T-Top into the sky
I stop the car to repair the deed
And rescue the T-Top from certain death  

Its not cracked, just scratched all to hell.
So I run back to the car to catch my breath
Maybe I don’t feel so well.

Jamie is sick, but wants to drive
So I pull over to give her control
This is probably best to make it home alive
So its off to dream land I go

I soon awaken by Jamie getting a DWI test
We have been pulled over by an A-hole
He tells Jamie she is under arrest
She tells him whats up and on we go.

We make it back to the hotel
The trip here makes me want to scream
But Jamie is lying beside me
She touches me and I begin to dream. 

OH NO!  What time is it?
It’s late and we’ve got to go
The weather is for shit
And the traffic is so very slow.

We are now in New Orleans after noon
They want to park my car in mid-air.
We have to get to the Hard Rock soon
If we can find our way there

Walking around, waiting to be seated
Shopping, looking, there’s 3 girls kissing
The Nachos are bad, and more are needed.
The Hard Rock waiter is dissing

Jamie and Tonya disappeare to a restroom
I worry as I sip my hurricane
Finally they return from certain doom
Now to continue the ADVENTURES OF TIM SHANE!

Down to Barracks Street to get a drum for Jamie,
Then back to Jennys Apartment.
Can’t wait for Bacchus! Can you blame me?
We get there early to get a good seat of cement.

It seems like we’re waiting forever
Tonya climbs a tree and Jamie hugs me
The size of this Fosters Beer is Clever 
Jamie is up on my shoulders to see

I share the rest of my beer
As the parade finally starts
The Bacchus Float is here
Harry Connick Jr, Ooh that SMARTS
Oh My GOD I begin to yell HARRY!
He throws his coins and beads
He turns around to see me
And points to me to answer my pleads
Then, in his own jazzy way
The throws me a handful of coins
Jamie and I follow him for a way
Seeing girls hunger from their loins
Then by a miracle of chance
He points me out once again
And we do a little “Tim Dance”
Snapping pictures like crazy
My camera stops working
Trying not to let this phase me
I beat the living sh*t out of this damn piece of non-working good for nothing cheap crap….

ANYWAY
Jamie and I rejoin the group
And we make a human totem pole
It’s amazing how low people stoop
to get beads people earned or stole

Jumping, leaping, Grabbing
PUSHING, pulling, Tugging
Laughing, pouting, anything for BEADS!

Several hours later, its finally over
But it seemed to go by so fast
Suddenly I’m exhausted and sober
I’m starving, is it time for breakfast?

We go to a local bar called Deja VU
I am rich with pounds of beads 
Everyone is drinking and smoking too
Clear us a table for WE HAVE NEEDS.

Jamie and Tonya go to the restroom alot
The things I am learning on this trip…
I sit and count all the coins I got
Some Jagermeister guy gives me a sip
Before I know it there’s a test tube in my throat
The shot shoots down my throat, tastes like Nyquil
By now I’m so high on life I feel like I can float
But the guy standing behind me looks like he’ll be ill
Watching him closely for he is going to spew
We all decide it’s time to leave
Some guy seems to like me so I do what guys do
And learn women aren’t the only one objectified for beads

We hit the streets with Jenny leading the way
I am really concerned for Jamies well being
For she hasnt’ felt good most of the day
What a wonderful time partying and sight-seeing.

Now we are back at Jenny’s at last.
Jamie lies down at Jen’s place
I join the others on the balcony with my mask
I’m covered with beads with feathers on my face

Tonya yells to some guy down below
“Throw me your tits and I’ll show you my beads”
Jamie tells us its time to go
Bless her, for she had to sneeze.  

We pack up her drum and my jester head
And set out on our weary quest 
Everyone feels like their dead
As we keep stopping to rest.

Walking down dark alleys we don’t want to
Looking for “Dixie Parking” on Gravier
Making our way out of this human zoo
Trying our best to get there.

AT LAST the Firebird is in sight
We load up and get ready to leave
It starts up and everything seems alright
But my car has been known to deceive.  

In the car we turn and burn
As we say GOODBYE to New Orleans
I know in my heart I will soon return
Whether I drive this car or by other means.

Before I know it we are driving in hell
As the party land fades in the distance
The smoke blinds us in this flaming cell
The heat wearing down our resistance.

It is all over and now the road is clear
Once again we feel the cool night
We’re on our way out of here
Oh NO ! We are losing our sight!
It’s almost too dark to steer.
Just when I thought it’d be alright
The damn alternator goes out
We stop for gas at this little store
I get out to pay, but I want to shout
Please don’t let anything go wrong anymore.

This new battery has alot of kick.
It starts the car with still miles to go.
I keep jumper cables and my stick
Very handy for what comes next I don’t know.

As we get closer, the lights go dim
Jamie, Tonya and Crystal have to be thinking
This Firebird just doesn’t like Tim
For if this was a boat we’d surely be sinking.
All the power of the car is gone
Flying in the dark, blind as a bat
The warning light is still the only thing on
We coast to the hotel and that is the end of THAT.  

 

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It is now morning on our last day
I call home for some helpful advice
My last hope is to call Triple A
Buying a new alternator would be nice. 

We pack the car and check out
The battery is fully charged
We eat and then without a doubt
Hit the road while it’s still light.
Everything is fine until sunset
We get gas, then drive into the night.
It seems impossible but dont’ fret
I’ve done this before, and this is bad.

I turn on my lights as the power drains
People flash me as if I’m ad
The the stress drives me insane
The battery is dead and the car has no oil
We place ourselves in traffic to see the road
The car starts smoking as water starts to boil
We pass cops on our way to my abode
But none of them help me now
Terrell, Mesquite and finally Garland
We’ve made it, not really sure how.  

My dad comes out to give me a hand
The Firebird has had enough
And I get Jamie, Tonya and Crystal home 
The trip was tough
But now I drive safely home.

It was some of the best times
and one of the toughest struggles
and I apologize for these cheesy rhymes.  

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